They say the only thing harder than being in love is being alone.


I’ve thought about this, and I agree and disagree with that statement. I think it varies from person to person. Not everyone is going to take single-life so hard, and some people are going to take being in love like it was the most natural thing ever. There are always two sides to every story. Why does it have to be painful either way: It’s all a matter of point of view.


I think the statement above rings truer with women (not really sure how a guy would take it).


I’ve been around women who are freaking out because they’re thirty and still single. The problem is they don’t try to go meet single guys; they just sit around and hang out with married couples. Great way to meet Mr. Right. But maybe I’m being a little too hard on them. It must be hard watching all of your friends fall in love and walk down the aisle; every year that passes adds to the growing despair. Alone.


Looking at my own personal life, I thought I found love in the eyes of a then sixteen year old boy. Those five months were the best I’ve ever had, and I don’t regret a second of it. I got passed my whole commitment issue: I really did love this boy. Once it was over, I slowly moved on. Of course, it took a lot of distractions to do so. Sometimes I find myself wanting a boy to love, and other times I find myself praying for a lifetime of singlehood.


Maybe in the end both are bittersweet. Perhaps it will be a age-old mystery.


I guess I’m just an adultolescent who’s grabbing in the darkness for the answer. Is it so bad to be in love? Is it so bad to be alone?

Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense? Well that's how I feel right now. I feel like I'm facing everything by myself with nothing but tears and a fake smile. In the end, it's always been me...alone. This is the one feeling I've never been able to shake off; the one feeling that's quickly becoming a burden. It's weighing me down, until one day I wont be able to move at all. I don't think anyone would recognize the SOS signals. If you saw me, you would think I was an ordinary girl traveling along the unknown path of life. But if you stared hard enough at the mask, eventually you would see the person who's tearing apart at the seams: Barely able to hold herself together. Does anyone really take the time to look? More often then not, no. Of course, I tend to hide this feeling of being alone.

Sometimes it's easy to forget when I'm around other people. For awhile I feel ok, and things aren't as bad as they really seem. Only it doesn't take that long for reality to shove me back in my proper place. I'm constantly searching for things to fill this growing hole inside of me. I'm searching for something that will satisfy this feeling; something that will make this feeling go away. Sometimes I think I have found the cure, yet I can never be certain. Recently, I got this overwhelming sense that I was all alone. And what was even more scary was that fact that I thought that this was how I was meant to be. Always alone. I shed a single glistening tear, then sucked it up. I have to be strong, no matter how cracked my foundation is. Feeling happy and alone all at the same time is complicated.

Don't let the huge grin and laughing eyes fool you. Just take a closer look and you'll see all that's there is a broken smile and forlorn eyes. And I'll just stand here, as the world passes me by, waiting. Waiting for something or someone that will help release me. Or until I finally decide to grit my teeth and brave the storm alone. Alone.