"Happy New Year's."
"Happy New Year's! What're you doing?"
"Watching Bones. Another pathetic New Year's haha. You?"
"In my room trying to get my TV working. Same haha"
"I'm on a bad New Year's eve streak."
"I'm on a twenty year pathetic holiday streak haha"
"I believe I know what you mean."
"It's actually really depressing."
"Agreed. Sucks when you don't have friends to party with."
"My God, I know! K. will you please move here? We have the exact same problems."
"I'm tempted to....I'd have a friend."
"Same here. Just move down here, and we could be each others friend and actually enjoy holidays."
"I'd love to actually enjoy the holidays for once instead of being totally depressed."
"They make me...bleh. Everyone's having fun, and I'm sitting in my room."
"Seriously... I just hate that it emphasizes the fact that I'm alone."
"It does. It's like, "Hooray, you have no one who wants to spend their holidays with you. Woohoo." And then I spend all night thinking about it."
"Yeah....I started taking it out on M."
":/ Really?"
"Yep, he doesn't get it. He knows something is off, but after how many times I've explained it... He's social, has friends. I'm not and don't."
"J. doesn't get it either. She's got all her college friends with all her college parties and guess what..I don't."
"Somehow I'm pretty sure going away to a four year college may have been a wiser choice. I think I get it though...with a boyfriend I shouldn't feel alone anymore. But I do, so maybe I blame him for 'abandoning' me here."
"Yeah. Is it his fault? Logically, no."
"It's not his fault, but when you're feeling rejected and alone, doesn't seem to matter much."
"That's exactly how I feel. It's everyone I care abouts fault if they're happy and I'm not. It sucks. I just want other people's happiness to making me unhappy lol."
"Yes! That's exactly it. I can't stand seeing happy friends. It's like everyone has friends/a bff, and I've got no one. I'm not too keen on feeling like a failure at life."
"You're not a failure. If you're a failure, I'm a failure. So you're not a failure. It pisses me off. I dunno if it's me or my environment."
"I am the I am because of my choices and the environment I grew up in. I think I can pinpoint the exact time when everything changed for me."
"Then pinpoint it."
"I got depressed, my dad was always getting in my face, I got suicidal, then started hating everyone and everything around me. I shut myself down socially."
"Eleventh grade is when I got depressed bad and burnt all my bridges. I regret so much of that."
"I got trapped in a pattern of living, and I honestly have no clue how to recover. There really is no one left for me here. I keep thinking if only I'd gotten help, maybe I wouldn't be like this now."
"It's like, what the hell are you gonna do? How are you supposed to build a life when you let yours die? People say go to new stuff and do new stuff, but when you're not used to stable social connections that you actually enjoy, you can't just 'make friends'."
"Oh, I definitely can't make new friends. it's like being the new kid at school and trying to break into a tightly knit social groups. Maybe easier when you're a kid. I think it's much harder as an adult. The most you'll be seen as is an acquaintance."
"Yeah, exactly. I'm good at getting to meet people, but inept at getting to know people. I don;t think I've made an actual FRIEND in....three years? Maybe four."
"Same here. I'm starting to feel how crippling it is not be able to make social connections. I guess that's part of the reason I'm so eager to get out of here. Can I really forge a new life for myself? I don't have any attachments other than family here.?"
"You should come here and forge one with me, but yeah. An entirely new start may restart everything for you. Maybe it would for me too. Gotta break the pattern."
"I have no choice but to break it."
