Sunday, May 31, 2009

I'll Just Keep Things To Myself.

Maybe it's just me, but does it make you mad when your own siblings go through your stuff and think they can take whatever they want without asking? I'll admit I've had times where I've done that. Now I know just how annoying it can be. I've ignored this stealing ever since my older sister moved back in a couple months ago. But yesterday I decided no more. I'm not just going to stand there while she goes through my closet when I leave or when I find my undergarments in her stuff. She has more clothes then I will ever own, and yet she thinks she needs my stuff too.

So I got angry when I saw she took one of my swimsuits without asking. And of course her thinking is I can't be mad at her for stealing stuff, but she can get mad at me if I wear something of hers. And the stuff I wear that she owns are mostly just white camis. I stay away from all of her expensive Ed Hardy stuff. Well that didn't put my in a good mood for the cast party last night. When I got home, I wanted to get the whole thing off my chest. I starting texting P. (not the one from TN) thinking he would be there for me.

I was wrong. Instead he's telling me he'll give me a hug if I'm nice to S. I said no thank you. Then he tells me to kill him first if I ever go crazy. By then I was pissed off. Is this how he expected to help me? He was being inconsiderate: I was finally opening up to him like he always wanted me to, and this is what I get. Next he wanted me to sneak out and meet him. NO! I just said he was out of his mind, and good night.

I tried. I really wanted someone I could talk to about what I hide inside. It looks like that will never happen. I think it's just better if I keep things to myself from now on. It just works better that way. He was feeling things that I don't know if I felt. I mean things that go past the realm of just being friends. Is it time to just grow apart? Or just try to salvage what we still have? It's kind wierd how something so simple can lead to something this complicated. Either way I choose is going to be heard. Can I handle it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

This is the Oldest I've Ever Been.

Today's the day: The day I turn 18. Hello adulthood, or at least I think. Do I feel any older? No. Am I supposed to? I'm not so sure. But this past weekend has been absolutely fabulous. At a school thing, I got surprised with a cake, a giant cookie, and a balloon. Everyone started singing happy birthday, and I didn't get who they were singing to until they said my name. Another surprise that night was P. He finally texted me again. Apparently his phone got run over too.

The next day, I spent cramming for finals, and then it was off to see a play with my dance teacher, M., and J. The play was amazing! I couldn't have asked for a better evening. We went out to dinner before the play, and I tried calamari for the first time. It was actually really good.

Memorial Day was devoted to finals. I still don't feel prepared, and now I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed with how much I still have to study. I have my English and Math finals today, and to top it all off I got zero hours of sleep last night. I couldn't sleep, but got kinda sleepy, and then was wide awake. I ended up getting out of bed at 4:30 to take a shower. I'm not in for a very good day. And what better way to spend your birthday then at school taking hour and a half long tests that could potentially make or break your grade. Just perfect. On the bright side, I just have to make it through two more days.

Well once school is out I'm hoping to blog a lot more. Sorry for not posting in such a long time.

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Where Do I Begin?

A little over a week ago my sister came up to visit for the first time in a year. I had some worries that she would get her, and I would see her, and things wouldn't be the same. I was also sad that once she arrived, I only got to see her for an evening, then I was being whisked away to Regionals in a different state. I didn't know if that was evening was the only time I was going to have with me sister. I waited up until almost midnight just to spend at least an hour with her. I heard her voice from my room, and ran up to see her. It was as if she had never left.

She was so gorgeous even after a long flight. She couldn't get over how tall C. was getting, and how deeps his voice had gotten. To her, it was just yesterday he was barely up to her shoulders and still had a high voice. After some catching up, we broke out the pie, and started talking about stuff that she remembered from the last time she was here. I practically had to drag her downstairs to show her pictures from the play, so I could at least get some sleep that night.


I left Friday with mt dance teacher and another dancer. On the way down, we listened to Sundays at Tiffany's, which is insanely interesting, and I was very sad I didn't get to finish it. We got to our hotel, and K. left for a meeting, so M. and I were on our own for dinner. I was doing really well at keeping myself calm; whereas, M. was already flipping out about the competition on Saturday. Once J got to the hotel, we all decided to go dip our feet in the hot tube. We all just laid there dangling out feet in the relaxing warn water. Pictures were taken of this, and I ended up falling asleep.

I woke up still feeling calm: I got ready and went down to breakfast. I managed to eat at least half of what I got, but then the nerves started hitting me a little bit. I wasn't competing until one, so I didn't know what the deal was. My whole family called to wish me good luck, and that made me really happy. I had already prepared myself mentally for not placing: My class was, without a doubt, the toughest group to compete with. I had to dance up with the 18 and Over class because I turned 18 before June 1st. So we're talking about me, a newbie, competing against twelve other talented dancers, who have all been to Nationals before, and some have even gone on to win at the Championship. I was taking this competition as a learning experience. Not mention I was sick, and that wasn't a great thing to throw into the mix.

I gave it my all, and sometimes your all just isn't good enough. The one thing that made up for it all was this: I had just finished the Reel and was getting myself ready to fill-in for another one. I was waiting backstage when two other dancers come running back and start taking their numbers off. Something was wrong on stage, but I had no idea what. Through a rush of events, I ended up rushing on stage to bail out another dancer, who couldn't breath. I made sure she was ok once I got offstage again. Turns out she had a cold too.

I sat there and cheered on three of the girls I danced with who got awards. Two of those girls are going to Nationals. I was SO happy for them. I thought is was better to be happy for everyone else, then to sit there and cry about how bad I did. It's not my time to go to Nationals yet. Someday --- someday I'll make it.

Back home:

Monday night I finally got to see my sister again and her friend T., who I hadn't seen since last year February. We watched Bride Wars and The Duchess (which is no one of my favorite movies). S. almost ruined the whole night with her bitchy attitude. The next morning I said good bye to my sister because I wouldn't get to see her again before she left.

Coming to the present, I've been pretty sick since Wednesday when I got a horrible migraine, which triggered the nausea that never went away. I woke up Thursday, and couldn't even move: My whole body hurt. After sleeping in till one, I felt a little better, but couldn't stand for long periods of time. This was really bad considering I had a school concert that night, and I was singing a solo. The good news is I toughed things out, made it through the concert, and sang my solo. No one even new I was feeling nauseated.