I haven't talked about him (by him I mean my ex) since last year. But I think it's time for me to clear the air with you all. November 16th was the night he and I were forced a part. At first, I was so angry at everyone, and not because I was angry I wouldn't ever talked to him again, but because I felt so much shame for what I'd let happen. Losing him wasn't as hard to deal with as I thought. I now realize it's because I wasn't IN love with him. I'm going to sound like a terrible person, but I'm going to be honest. I was always looking for a way out. As much as I wanted someone to love me and to love someone back, it wasn't him, yet I thought he was the only one I could get. November 16th gave me the chance to finally cut all ties and move on. Find someone new. Find a guy who won't pressure me into things. Find that one guys, who won't make me feel like I need to look for the exit sign.

I just want to let you all know that I am so happy that he is out of my life; I am so happy my parents knew what was better for me. I'm free.

I gave into some of the things P. wanted to do that I never wanted to do. I'm equally to blame because of it. But I finally realized that if he loved me as much as he said he did, then he wouldn't have pushed me so hard after I said we shouldn't do any of it anymore. He would have respected me and not put me in the situation that he did. He should have been a man and told me when I was going to far. I don't hate him. I can't stand being around him though. We need to be out of each other's life. We can't be friends, and I'm ok with that.

Don't allow a guy to walk all over you. If he doesn't give you the respect you deserve, tell him to hit the road.

I've had one of the worst weeks ever.

Earlier this week, M and I wanted to watch 17 Again, so we went into my room, but my older sister S was in there. She had the dog with her, and I absolutely refuse to have her in my room because she sheds everywhere and leaves a distinct odor that doesn't go away. I sent the dog out of the room, which upset S. I reminded her it was my room, and I didn't want to dog in there. Well, that didn't make her happy. According to S, it's her room; even though, she gave it up when she moved out. And, although she moved back home, she's never really home. I may see her maybe five times a month. Not to mention, she sleeps on the couch when she is home. I just get to live with her queen size bed in my room. Back to the matter at hand: Now S and I already have a strained relationship, but I do my best not to provoke her. While I'm standing there explaining why I don 't want to dog in MY room, she decides to tell me that I'm a bitch and she hates me.

Yes, let me repeat that. My own sister thinks I'm a bitch and hates me. She said she never wants to take to me because I'm always rude to her. In her mind, that's that case. In reality, she's la la land. She doesn't speak to me. She's rude. I've tried talking to her, but it's hard to have a conversation with someone who gives one word replies, locks herself in the bathroom/my room, and twists everything I say so that I'm the bad guy.

I stand there, and Mel starts defending me. I eventually go and get my mom, so she can mediate. So S starts complaining about me, and finally I decide to defend myself. But before I can get anything out my mom cuts me off and tells me to just be quiet. She was going to explain something until S cut in and started ranting about how rude and mean I am to her, and because of that she doesn't talk to me or want to hang out with me. I get shut down, but S gets her way. Enough was enough. I turned to my mom and said the only thing I knew to be true, "S is dead, mom. Just admit it already." I really do think this. S has changed so much (not for the better), and I don't even recognize her anymore. I'm tired for being torn a part every time S comes home. I'm tired of her making herself out to be the angel. I'm far from being an angel, but I'm not the bitch she thinks I am. What gets me is the fact that my mom stood there, and let her say those things to me.

S hasn't said anything to me since, and I've just decided not to say anything to her either. She can glare at me all she wants.

To top all that off, a couple days later I got into my first car accident. My sister and I were at the dentist's office when I received a call from my dad. My brother had left his lacrosse gear in the car I had taken. He had to leave for a game at 2:15 --it was 2:00. The dentist was nice enough to let me leave, so I could rush over to my school. On the way there, I hit another car. Thankfully it wasn't a really bad accident. The car is still drivable just not a pretty, and the other lady's car had no visible damage. I dropped my brother's stuff off broke the news to my dad.

Here's the situation: If the lady makes a claim, the insurance get jacked up and the accident is on my record for the next three years. If that's the case, I get taken off the insurance at the beginning of June when the rates change. No driving for me. If she doesn't make a claim, then I can still drive, and I'll be working to raise the money to get the care fixed.

Now here's the cherry on top: While I was exchanging insurance information, I dropped my cell phone on the ground. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but once I got home I realized that the phone had cracked and the screen no longer worked. Goodbye cell phone replacement number 5. I go through cell phones like water. Well, only because my contract doesn't end until August, and I don't want to pay full price for a new phone. I've been lucky to have a bunch of old phones at my disposal. I wasn't really intending to break all of them though.

Here's to hoping this next week turns out better.