Monday, August 10, 2009

Never Again?

Were Not in wonderland anymore alice Pictures, Images and Photos

It's an odd feeling: I almost don't know how to begin to describe it. Your breath catches; you look around anxiously; your skin begins to crawl. This uncomfortable feeling that overwhelms you and sits between your shoulder blades --a constant reminder. A reminder of how much you never wanted to be in this situation, but here you are. The same situation, the same feeling, the same longing to run away and forget all about. Why are you here again? You should have known better... Now everything is going to be awkward. If only I'd just said no when I had the chance.

As we dance between the thin line of frienda and more than friends, it only becomes clearer to me that I can never ever be the same with him again. His touch is all too familiar, and I still want to jump out of my skin (I don't mean that in a good way). I can't speak up though. I can't say stop or back off or please don't touch me like that. I can't make it clear to him that I don't want to be with him.

I don't know why I promised to hold his hand just to get him to come down to see me, but I wasn't about to not keep my promise. That just opened the flood gate. After that I couldn't get him to stop trying to hold my hand or put his around around my shoulder. I kept wondering what the people in the mall must have thought or do they even notice my rigid walk as the tall blond next to me pulls me closer? Apparently he didn't pay attention to the "f*** off" sign being raised over my forehead.

I was happy to get into the movie theater, so we could just sit and watch a movie. I don't think he really paid any attention to the movie. Did I have to break his arm to keep it off of me? He played with my hand and would not shut up. I demanded to be taken home after the movie was over --I demanded nicely of course. Once I got home, I was almost tempted to rip the long stem red rose he gave me to piece: That might have made me feel better. Friends don't give other friends long stem red roses.

The next day I told him no more. I didn't want to hang out with him for a very particular reason, and he agreed. He claimed that once he turns eighteen things will be different. No, things wont be different. He'll be able to do and get whatever he wants. I'd love to see you try. You're in for a pleasent surprise. Once he's eighteen, he thinks we'll be able to be a couple. Woah there. I think you might have slipped and smacked your head on the pavement. I never said yes to that, and I don't plan on saying yes.


Stop it. Just stop it.

But I suppose this little dance we do will continue for awhile longer.


Skippy said...

If you don't like this guy
which it seems that way to me
you should frimly tell him this.
When something makes my skin crawl, I make it end right then and there.

I hate the feeling that you are descirbing. Its unpleasant and bad. I think you should voice you mind,in a very clear unmistakeable way. Just tell him what you are really feeling, and to just plainly back off if needed.

Kristin said...

telling a guy you don't like him is soo hard! but it's worth it in the end, and it's easier to tell him sooner then later. I know this from experience

Nicole Linette said...

The first paragraph.. exactly how I've felt amongst the company of certain people. It's eats you from the inside out and I hate it!
Apparently, you know where to draw the line now. I hope he gets the picture too!


Anonymous said...

the oaks said...

I would have been demanding too. Its good to speak your mind about these things.

Maybe you will help him on his future adventures in dating even if its not with you.

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