Thursday, November 19, 2009

A Kiss Good Bye.

I won't go into detail, but me and my boy did something stupid. Sure most would not think meeting up with your boyfriend isn't a punishable offense, but think again when you're going it without parental consent. From my last post you all know I'm not allowed to talk to him via cell phone... well that rule was broken after a week. Anyways we made plans, and I'm kicking myself now for not going with my gut feeling and said no to meeting.

Later that night (this happened Monday), my dad got a call form P's dad asking if we could come over to talk about something. From a previous conversation, I knew that P had to tell my dad we'd kissed before, so I was under the impression that was what the meeting was about. I was wrong. P's parents found out that we had met earlier that morning. Can you say 'oh shit?' My youth pastor was invited to come to the meeting as well, which was really bad for reasons I won't get into. After apologizing to everyone and their dog, the verdict was announced: P and I aren't allowed to be friends. P was quick to agree to it, so there was not much else I could do.

I kept it together all the way through the meeting; even though, I was really embarrassed, and all the way home. Once I made it inside, I broke. Luckily was older sister S was there to ask what was wrong. I told her everything that had happened that night. She told me that I had to be absolutely sure this guy was the right guy, because otherwise he won't be worth waiting 2+ years for. But she told me what I should really do is just move on, which is what I've decided to do. If I want to make it through the next couple years, I can't have this empty feeling, and be depressed, and miss him constantly. If we're not allowed to be friends, why should I wait around? Of course, this does not mean I'm going out to find a new guy. Hell no.

Since I decided that, I haven't missed him or had the urge to talk to him somehow. I'm pretty happy considering what's happened. The day after was a little hard when my mom was all passive aggressive with me. I get the the trust between me and my parents is broken, but they'll get over it one day. Now all I want is for them to stop bringing it up so I can really move on.

Today my Greek teacher, who happens to be my pastor, called me out of class half way through to talk to me about it. He wants me to write a letter of apology to P for the part I played --I agree with that. He also wants me to feel free to talk to him about it. I don't think so. He let me know that all the elders know about what happened; I thought about this as I walked into physics and remembered the teacher is an elder. Wonderful. Then I get home and I get this email from my youth pastor asking my how I am and that he thought I handled everything well. The urge to say "F U" crossed my mind, but then I thought, "Oh if you think that was mature, watch me not respond to you." It's like thank you all for your concern, but I just want to move on and forget anything ever happened.


Jocelyn said...

oh no... I am so sorry. Religion is tough. I know what you mean, I am mormon and my boyfriend wasn't so we decided to break things off which was really hard. Plus he lives in cali and I live in utah, so it was hard. But it hasn't been easy at all. I hope that things get easier. I know what you mean about him being your best friend, that's been hard for me too.

But I am sorry that you were so embarassed by the meeting, that's never fun. And having parents and church leaders disapproving is even worse.
But if you ever need someone to vent to! Hit me up, I'd be happy to give you my email address. I am a really good listener :)

good luck, and I hope that things get better!


Lenore said...

Wow....iknow how you feel. My religion is pretty strict about this too...which means NO dating till im 18, no makeup or high heels till im 16....that sorta stuff...

but i cant imagine your must be must have been quite embarassing as well...

But I'm glad you had your sister there to talk should be grateful :)

but anyway...I'm glad you're deciding to move have to be a very strong person to do that. I admire you for being that way...I have to try and move on a lot dad has been more and more of an ass lately. He crossed the line this time. he did something unacceptable... :p

i'm always here for you if you need to talk... :D and get on aim more!


Jocelyn said...

it's been rough! what's your email address? And I'll tell you all about it. haha

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Boy Blue said...

Dude, your parents dictate who you can or can't be friends with? AND your entire life is on display for those in positions of authority in your religion to judge?


I mean, I get why the rents would be pissed that you disobeyed them, but you've got to wonder - is it because you started thinking for yourself? Are you free to make your own mistakes and learn from them, or are you supposed to take everything on faith? And if it's the faith thing, can't that be comparable to the palace of illusions like the Buddha grew up in?