Hoping. Wishing. Waiting.

Living means taking some risks. Never are you going to find yourself absolutely prepared for anything. Lately, I've found that I'm willing to risk it all for the sake of love. I want to get married more than anything to M. I know we're both on the young side, we don't have it all together, and there's this little thing I like call money, but all you need is love, right? Or so they say.

Over the past year, I've come to realize how short life is; it is literally over (or could be over) in the blink of an eye. So why wait to spend the rest of your life with the person you love? The last couple weeks have been a major wake up call for me. I've gotten so used to thinking people are permanent fixtures in my life, and I take for granted how easily everything changes. Within the last couple weeks, a man I work with every Monday just found out he has stage four lung cancer and leukemia. Now it's down to a matter of time. We are so fragile. Life is so fragile. As soon as I realized this, I texted M. To ask if we could finally just be together, which seems to be the impossible task. I can't take wasting anymore time not sharing a life with him.

Then he told me of some mutual friends who up and decided to get engaged after one or two months of dating. They're taking the risk, and i couldn't help but be jealous and sad. Why can't M. and I take that risk? Why do we have to wait till all of our ducks are in a row? I understand that it's good to at least be somewhat prepared for marriage: it's not easy. But you can't wait around forever because your ducks will never be in a row. Please, show of hands, who has it all together right now? However, I know you can't force someone to do something before they feel ready. It's a catch 22.

So instead of moving to be with M. Next year, I'm now contemplating my next move in my education. I am really getting excited about Ayurvedic practices. The school I'm looking at is here rather then over there (ah, the vagueness of it all) and will take at least a year and a half to two years. Might as well focus on a career instead of idly twiddling my thumbs....right?