I'll just come out and say it: I have no friends. The one long distance friend is turning out to be a complete ass lately, and my one in-state friend I had is made at me over not going to a concert (long story, but all you need to know is she has no real reason to be mad). I guess the more I think about it the more I realize the friends I want don't want to be friends with me, and the friends I have are flakes. But maybe I'm a flake too, or I don't take as much initiative as I should.
How did I get this way? I completely shut down when I was a teenager. I was going through so much emotional turmoil that I just hated everyone. Not to mention I'm extremely shy, so now even though I want friends, I'm too shy to make them. I got into a pattern of living, and now I don't exactly know how to break it.
Everyone needs a best friend. I don't have one. I don't have that partner in crime; that one friend I could talk to about anything . . . if you have a best friend, I think you get what I mean. We're social creatures, and let's just say I feel really stupid for cutting everyone off. I just don't have anyone. I'm ending up jealous of everyone who has one. My sister had her best friend over the last night, and there are times when the three of us hang out, but this was one of those times where it was clear I wasn't meant to part of this little get together. Then it only became more evident that I'm missing out. It feels like I can't find someone because everyone has already found a best friend (sounds kinda funny, I know).
So now I get to bring in the new year alone . . . that bodes well.
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