Sunday, April 12, 2009

Ugly Duckling.


I feel so ugly lately. I have my good days, which are few and far between. But the more I look in the mirror, the more I hate how I look. I just feel out of place with everyone else. I look at my sister S., she's absolutely gorgeous, and she knows it. She's so confident. So perfect. Perfect hair, perfect body, perfect face, perfect smile, perfect everything. I keep telling her she's the one who got all the looks in the family; she just laughs. But she knows it's true. She's the one every one's after (especially guys). Just an example, there was this one guy I talked to a lot and really liked. One day we were talking, and he mentioned he like my sister S. That hurt. I'm tired of trying to keep up with her.

Let's start talking about the girly stuff. If there are any guys reading my blog, I'd turn back now.

There's a lot of talk to days about being fit, and what the perfect body shape is. My body is around model skinny, which goes great with my height (yeah...right). For awhile it hasn't really bothered me, and I'm not really interested in gaining a lot of weight. But, let's be frank, with a skinny physic I have no assets. Yes, girls, you know what I'm talking about. It's so annoying, especially when my sister makes fun of me for it: This, at least, I manage to laugh off. The jokes aren't really jokes; they speak the truth.

Let's move on to my smile. My teeth are horribly crooked: It's ridiculous. I can't tell you how many people especially little kids make comments about them. "Why don't you get braces." I've heard that so much it's not even funny. You want to give me the money for that? Go ahead, be my guest. I've pretty much stopped smiling with my teeth showing. The only time I do is if I'm far enough away from the camera, and I can look straight on.

How can you look at me when I can't stand myself?

I can't tell you how glad I am that P. has really only seen pictures so far. I'm so scared that once we're in person, he'll realize how horrifying I really am. They say you're your own toughest critic. Does it really matter what others think if you're not comfortable with yourself? I'm ready to put a paper bag over my head and call it an instant makeover.

How do you start being confident and comfortable with how you look?


Lenore said...

It really doesn't matter how pretty u are, ur still always gonna think that ur ugly. Thats just how it is.

I bet even Angelina Jolie has her bad days. We're all beautiful in our own ways. Honestly, I must say im not the most attractive girl ever. Probably the fact that im too "goody-two-shoes" and really don't flaunt anything has something to do with it...But guys never chase me. But we all have our time when that will happen for us.

If you only look at the bad things about yourself, then at least try to look at the good. You have really pretty eyes (at least from the photos i've seen) and you're really deep and smart.

I'll admit, i really wish guys would chase me, i mean, dont we all? But I'd give up a thousand dudes chasing me for One good guy who would die for me. And he wouldn't love me cuz im "hot" but cuz he loves me for me. You'll find that someday. And c'mon, at least you have a good figure and even if ur teeth are crooked, so are mine, i have braces now...they're a real pain...

I've always been confident...but lately I have been feeling ugly too. But i just try to tell myself: I have a good figure, I'm still young, and I'm beautiful inside.

Also, P. is going to have to like you for YOU and not how u look, otherwise he's not worth it

ur not an ugly duckling. Even if u were, remember: The ugly duckling turned into a beautiful swan <3

btw, thanx for ur comment!! i lurve ur advice. it really helps and means alot. I guess we are alike. and yea, pete is brilliant. i feel bad for him though, from his parents divorce at age 6, he never cried ever thill he was 22. He really did just completely shut off his emotions. I guess we all do that at some point...

anyway, thanx again!!


Nicole Linette said...

Self-confidence and feeling comfortable in our own skin isn't always easy to come by. But I once read a quote that basically said happiness can be achieved once we quit comparing ourselves to others. What you find envious in your sister, others may not like. You are beautiful and you have to let yourself believe it before others definitely will.

But, ughh, I hate those days.

The relationship you have with P is all based on talking to each other, right? He's getting to know your personality and your character. And if he hasn't stopped talking to you yet.. then you're on the right track :)

Talk to you later! Hope you had a nice Easter.

Anonymous said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel. I used to (and sometimes still do) feel really self-conscious about my red hair because it was an oddity and people commented on it all the time. Over the years I've realized having a defining feature is better than looking generic.

As for your teeth, Helena Bonham Carter also has crooked teeth (they're really yellow too) and I think she's one of the most beautiful women in the world! Her teeth give character to her face. Besides, perfection not only is a lie but it's also boring! If everyone was perfect there'd be no variety and we'd all get very, very bored.

P.S. if pecan pie doesn't make you gain weight nothing will.

!wonderfold! said...

Um, you're gorgeous.

I know I sound like a complete creeper because you have no idea who I am, but I'm not, and if that picture is of you, then you have nothing to complain about.

Who cares about teeth? They're meant to chew food, not decide if a guy likes you or not. The guy who judges a girl based on her teeth is a complete loser...

!wonderfold! said...

Exactly, the guys that matter wouldn't do anything nasty behind your back... because that's why they matter!

Absolutely trade links

Lenore said...

thank you. There is alot of feeling behind that post. I had been in my closet listening to lullabye music, and I got sooooo lost. In the darkness, i thought i could see small glowing balls of light and Everything was being painted right before my eyes. After i walked out of my closet...It sorta dissapeared...

I was completely lost...and i didnt want to be found!! lol

Its like my little world to get away from the world.

I think, if i wanted to, i could fly


They Just Call Her Helen said...

God, I used to feel the exact same! I was the ugly ginger blob with freckles whereas my sister is this tall, slim brunette with mystifying blue eyes that all the boys adore.

I used to be really hung up on that but then realised, so what!? She's pretty but so am I in my own way. I got a new wardrobe (which is great because I have breasts and my sister doesnt, one thing I had over her) and my confidence boosted. At the same time, I really got into drama and I now have way to much confidence and will sing and dance in random places because I just dont care that people want to look at me.

I used to be that typical girl who'd turn around so not to be in the photo, whereas now I'm the centre of the photo.

It's all because I decided to realise that you can't wish you was someone else. You just need to make YOU better.

Also, my sister has really crooked teeth. The big front two on the top come out and it makes it hard for her lip to close over them but the boys absolutely love it. She hates it but the boys think its what makes her her. So.. Don't be too judgemental about that...

You also just need to change little things like the way you wear your hair or maybe do certain things that would change your attitude to certain things?

Anonymous said...

Woah, girl, if that's you in the picture right on top of the blog at the right side, I have to say that you have beautiful eyes. I've always wanted to have clear eyes and mine are dark brown. And your profile is perfect. I know I'm weird but I like comparing profiles and nose forms, and yours is lovely.
Cheer up, girl! Your friends like you for what you are inside, not for what you look like.
And that is said from a girl that doesn't know you at all, so I'm not saying it to-make-you-feel-better-pat-pat-on-the-head.
OK? :)

Red said...

I just blogged about inner beauty. You have to remember that what I find attractive is not what you ind attractive and so on down the line. that is why it is said that, 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.' (Watch the Twilight Zone episode to see what I mean)

I am all for being fit, but when I can see a persons bones sticking out then something is definitely wrong. I much prefer a fit, toned body over an excessively thin body.

Those bodies are usually referred to as athletic bodies. And I am not referring to overly pumped up bodies of those muscle head body builders. That is completely unnatural.

Eat right, exercise in moderation, don't go killing yourself...use common sense. Clear your mind, body and spirit and your body will be good to you.

I didn't like myself for many years. But my grandmother taught me otherwise. I now love my freckles and my body. (Other than the fact that I had a breast reduction 4 years ago. If I have to explain that don't bother).

Is my body perfect? For me it is. Could I be healthier? Maybe a wee bit. But when my head hits the pillow at night I know I have done my possible best for my body and that is OK with me.

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