Thursday, April 9, 2009


How many of us use words like these to bring others down? How many of us hear these words on a regular basis? Maybe they aren't these exact words: Maybe they're little comments, a look someone gives us, or the angry tirades of friends and family members. How far are we willing to go to make other people feel worthless? No one likes feeling worthless. No one. Making people feel worthless has an affect on how they view themselves.

I was standing behind the couch watching The Hills with my sisters M. and S. My phone alerted that I just received a text. I look down, and it's from P., so immediately I have a huge smile on my face (I can't help it). S. looks over at me and asks who I was texting. Oh come on S., like you can't tell. The smile on my face totally gives it away. I didn't respond, and just kept smiling. Somehow my smiling set her off: Don't ask me how. Right away I was being accused of being a skank. I stood there. Then she started bring up my past to the point where I couldn't just stand there anymore.

I started to defend myself, which only got M. involved. She sided with S. I felt so attacked by them; they didn't know anything, and here they are accusing me of stuff and bring up my past. "Oh my gosh Lonely Heart, don't take things so personally. I was only teasing." Excuse me?! Oh so I was supposed to just laugh this off while you call me a skank. Sure, S. Sure. There was nothing in the tone of her voice that would lead me to believe she was teasing. And what she was bring up was not teasing material. She crossed the line and thought she could cover things up with the lame excuse of teasing.

You don't bring up some one's past for the sake of good-old fashioned-humorous fun. I'm sorry, but in my book that's not the way things work, so I beg your pardon for defending myself.

I stood there for another minute or two. She gave me a smug look and turned her attention to the TV. In the solitude of my room, I shed a few tears, took a deep breath, and tried not to let what she said bug me so much. It's hard not to let things that my sisters say not get under my skin especially when they gang up on me. And my futile attempts to defend myself always fail. It's like nothing I do or say can make them stop. Do they enjoy making me feel like nothing? Like I'm worthless?

Why do people feel the need to say horrible things about others? Ever heard of what goes around come around? Is it really that fun to pick on other people?


Lenore said...

There was a dude at my school who came up to me and my friends and started to cuss us out for no reason at all. seriously, we didnt even know him! He called us horrible names, and poked us and would not stop.

ur right. There was no reason for that and why should he make someone feel so worthless?! Even if he did it cuz he felt bad about himself, how will hurting others make his life any better?

The thing I tell myself is, Those idiots cant tell me that I'm worthless, yea they hurt me, really bad! But, I realize that they're just stupid and I dont need them in my life, so I try to move on and realize Im worth alot.

Words hurt, also, im waaayyy too sensitive. I can cry at the dumbest crap, but at one point I'm able to laugh and say to myself that there are people like that out there, but I won't let them stop me from living my life to the fullest!

It just makes me sad to think that people could actually make eachother feel so worthless. I love ur posts, they are sooo true and really make me think :)


They Just Call Her Helen said...

I know this isn't a reason but that's what siblings are for and they rarely do mean what they say but they do believe that you're going to see the funny side of what they have said because they believe you know what they are like.

Feeling worthless is horrible but when it happens you should realise that you're not worthless and that the people who have said these comments are just pathetic people who are just trying to get a reaction out of you!

It's a cruel world but we can beat it :)

Anonymous said...

I know how you feel. This doesn't just happen with Kel, a lot of my friends do it, too. When I ask them to stop or start pathetically defending myself they also say I shouldn't take things to seriously, why can't you just make fun of yourself blah blah blah.

I think we both have the same problem, we should figure out a way to stop feeling worthless and find people that actually value us.

Lenore said...

well yea, it is about getting lost and escaping reality.

the thing is, sometimes i really do not do it on purpose. I'll wake up after a strage, eerie, nonsense dream (that i really enjoyed) and still somehow be in it...everything seems unreal for those few momoents im there and I still have that foggy feeling i had in the dream...

sometimes i'll get lost other ways...sometimes It feels like I'm someone else, as if im playing a role in a movie.

I love getting lost, and It's easy. If I really want to, I'll turn off all the lights and try to fall asleep to fall out boy. Or I stay up very late and think about really deep stuff ((lol))

I even decorate my room using Gothic-fantsy-type even my own room is like a little land of its own.

sometimes I'm afraid when i find myself too in touch with reality, thats scary, what if I get waaayyyy too lost one day? of my little rants!!

btw, I kno it must be sooo hard when ur own family makes u feels worthless. it is easier to say "screw it" when its a jerk at school...but ur own family...

I just try to always be strong and know that everyone hurts u, even the ones u trust most...

I really find it sad when humans can do this to eachother.


Lenore said...

haha, being me...interesting. we should do a swap!! lol

the problem is...I had to face it too...

when I was 11 My mom told me that her and my dad were getting a divorce. I had a meltdown.

The worst problem is, that my dad just decided to do this. My mom is still heartbroken.

My dad wants to "start over" he wants to find a new woman and maybe have more kids. He etries to tell me this like its a good thing
"you might really love my new wife if i find one, and you might have a brother or sister!! wouldn't that be nice?"

it makes me sick. Why wasn't me and my brother enough?!

My dad thinks im fine...he thinks he's gonna be my best friend and that he's only leaving my mom and not us. Sometimes i really hate him. He's sooooo selfish. It's hard to believe that he really cares about, he expects him and my mom to be best friends!!! sreiously, he goes and breaks her heart, then think she can do that?

after 14 years of marrige, and two kids, how can he just break up the family, and all of a sudden want to go looking for another one? my mom doesnt even want to date again, and she would give up any guy if we didnt like him. My dad just says: "well, i wanna be happy" wasn't this family enough to make him happy?!!

I can't believe he would leave me and my brother like this...My brother needs a father figure to look up to!!! Also, he has Autism and he really needs a dad to teach him "man stuff". ugh.

I think ever since then i've never been the same...i cant show my emotions as well. myabe I escape because of that. I always pretend that im happy with my dad...but i really just wanna scream at him. but im afraid.

well, im sorry that i had to go on and on like this!!! lol.

but, reality is just so hard to face...

and i think ever since then, finding a place to escape to is easier...and i think i'll stay like this forever...


Roxy Motion said...

it's amazing how mean family members (especially siblings) can be. it's like they know exactly what to say at exactly the right time to make you feel like complete shit.

and I HATE when people do that and say they're teasing. first you get burned by the comment, then by the follow-up that you can't take a joke. ugh.

Lenore said...

thank you sooooo much!! it means alot... *hugs back*

the thing is, i've become sorta indefferent bout the whole divorce. It's been almost a year and a half, but it still feels like yesterday. anyway, Pete Wentz said his parents got a divorce on his 6th birthday, he said "i shut off my emotions like a faucet"

sometimes im scared that's what im doing...maybe a bit. I'm also sad bout other stuff. Like The two dudes i like, and how complicated my own heart can be, like a battleground...Also, moving soon after the divorce and leaving my friends, and being in this strage country-small town and not a city like im used to...and the fact that my family is really annoying me and I already want to move out, and im just a kid!! lol

I'm also scared of finding someone special and getting married. If my parents were so in love, for 14 yrs...then how could my dad be soooo horrible? He could have at least worked at it more. Even if he wasn't happy with my mom, THIS WAS THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILDREN! for God's sake!! What if my own marrige ends sooo badly? ugh, thanx dad!!

I guess this is what growing up is all about. The problem is, we're always facing problems so, I guess we're growing up all the time, even if we're 50. haha

I just miss being 9 years old, when i had soooo many friends and life was easy...But somehow, even though life is so much more painful and complex, It's somehow more beautiful...I'm seeing more of the small things.

well, anyway, thanx again for ur comment, it really made me happy... :)


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