Sunday, November 27, 2011

Impulsive Behavior.

Last weekend I did something pretty uncharacteristic. Well, maybe uncharacteristic isn't the right word; it was more the sudden urge to do something spontaneous. Different. It was just after 10 on Saturday night, and I was sitting on the couch watching Criminal Minds. A chat on facebook popped up on my computer screen. It was a friend I used to go to school with and had only recently reconnected with. He was turning 21 and wanted to know if I wanted to come to his birthday party. So I had to do a little thinking. On the one hand, and I was already ready for bed, I wouldn't know anyone there. On the other hand, I hadn't done anything all day, and this, this was different. This could be exciting. By 11 I was out the door.

When I showed up, it was a bunch of guys sitting around a fire. I sat next to my friend and chatted about school and the people that used to be in our class. It wasn't so terribly bad, other than the fact that it was freezing outside. Ok, it was a little awkward. All guys I didn't know, and I, the awkward female. After awhile, my friend offered me hookah. I thought, what's the harm in having a little hookah. It had been awhile since I had it, so I had a little. It was only after the fact that he told me the hookah had been mixed with some other stuff. I stopped smoking it immediately.

Most of the guys had left at that point, and a couple others and two other girls showed up carrying their bottles of alcohol. The conversation turned towards the possibility of going to a club or going inside to have a dance party once another car full of girls showed up. At this point, I knew it was my cue to leave the scene of the party.

I don't know what it was that made me so uncomfortable the whole time. It's not like I mind other people having a good time and maybe being on the high/drunk side. I guess I'm not the party-going type. One drunk or high person at a time. Do you have to grow up around that stuff in order to be comfortable with it? Perhaps it's the fact that I have to be in control of the situation and when you factor drugs and alcohol in, well, that control goes out the window. If I were to be intoxicated or high, my control would go out the window. I'm too self-conscious for that. I don't know if I could make a total idiot of myself because there's no telling what I'd do. I think I have control issues. Go figure haha.