I didn't want things to get to this point so soon. In the words of my dad, "You're in a funk. What's wrong?" I paste a smile on my face and assure him that I'm just fine. No need to worry. Or is there? I've been really angry lately: Angry at everyone. Mostly at my parents though. It all started with me wanting to wear a pair of shorts; my dad almost had a heart attack when I was about to walk out of the house. This is when I discovered that having long legs are, in fact, a curse. So it looks like I'll be wearing jeans all summer. I'm just waiting for them to finally decide that skinny jeans are no longer appropriate attire as well. I don't see what the issue is; it's not like I'm going out of the house looking like a total slut or something. But my dad's reason is, "I'm doing this to protect you and your reputation." Eventually I'm might accept that. I know he probably means well.

Since then it's been a constant battle with everyone --or just my family. I miss being around everyone: I don't want to sit at home and just hang around the family. At the end of school, I thought it would be great not to have to see anyone until September. Wrong. The first week of summer break I spent everyday with friends from school. Now I'm look ahead thinking this is the only month I have to hang out with everyone. Starting in the middle of July, I'm moving in with my grandparents because of I job I got. I'll maybe come home on weekends. That really depends on whether or not I get a part time job at this kennel my sister works at. It already feels like I have to say good bye to everyone, and summer is ending.

Am I in a funk? Definitely yes.

Why am I angry? I really have no clue. I don't know. Is it possible to just be angry --to be sad for no reason? I think I'm using most of what I said at the beginning of this blog as an excuse, or using it as fuel for a fire that was already there. I've got to get over this somehow because it's now ruining the good start to my summer.


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That was me a couple days ago. I've forgotten how bad my mood swings can be; now I'm happy and up beat and loving most everything. One thing I realized after I snapped out of my funk is how overrated 18 year old rebellion is. Do we expect anything to be accomplished by it? If you do, I'm sorry to say nothing ever is accomplished by being rebellious --at any age really.

My dad recently told me a story about this girl, who was angry at her parents because they wouldn't let her go out late at night. She went to her friend's house hoping to stay the night, but her friend's mother told the girl to go back home and, basically, obey her parents. The girl left her friends house with no intention of going home. In the neighborhood, she ran into the wrong guy: The girl ended up dead. Yes, this doesn't happen every time we're rebellious, but this is the exact thing our parents are trying to protect us from. So my not being able to wear shorts is probably one of the best things my parents can do for me.

This epiphany couldn't have come at a better time, but this doesn't mean I'm going to be the perfect kid in the meantime. I still have a long way to go, and I'm ready to work at changing. If I want to be considered and treated like an adult, I'm going to have to act maturely. Rebellion only shows your parents and the people around that you actually immature.

Lost. Confused. Trying to figure out which path to take is not always an easy one. You stand there looking at which seems safer or more adventurous. But you can only see some of the way down each path; there is still so much that is unknown. So many happy and sad moments to go through, and life changing situations. The only question is which path will I tread and remain fairly unscathed? This requires a lot of thought. Choose the wrong one, and there's no turning around.

Hesitation.

I think I know where I want to go now. There isn't anymore hesitation, and now all I have to do is start walking. I'm still a little scared and unsure, but that's all a part of the process: I'm not going to let that fear control every action. I have to live life not audit it. Along the way I'm going to step on some toes (most of the time on accident), and hopefully make my mark on the world. I'm going to learn from every mistake, enjoy every happy moment, and ride the roller coaster of life. I should be excited. There's so much I haven't yet discovered: I haven't even experienced life yet, I've only tasted it.

I'm almost there. Five more months, and then I'll be crossing over the thresh hold. I'll be met with a whole new set of responsibilities and hopefully more maturity. I at least want to know my goals before I make the epic journey into adulthood. The preparation for this event has taken years, and all I can hope for now is that I'll be ready when the time comes. I am so ready to start defining who I am.

I'm sure there's many more out there ready to go through the same thing.