Thursday, June 4, 2009

How Will You Be Remembered?

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I don't mean after you die, but more after you leave high school. This is the summer of my Senior year, and I have to face all sorts of questions. The biggest one is: How will I be remembered? I have some big shoes to fill thanks to the Class of 2009. I love them to death and wish they weren't leaving, and, yet, I'm eager to take my place as a Senior. Not only am I eager, but I'm also scared. A lot of change has to take place over the summer. I have to abandon my "Loner" status. I can't sit back passively and watch my Senior year go by without leaving my mark.

I now have to get to know everyone in the secondary. This means the annoying sevies and wedgies. I can't stand junior high immaturity, so we'll see how this goes. I have to get outside of my comfort zone and be a leader. It has pissed me off so much that M. (a girl in my class) has gotten all the attention. She's the go-to-girl. To be honest, no one really notices what I notice: Her whole show is somewhat fake. Now I didn't come on here to disrespect a classmate, but to tell you what I'm up against. I'm the scary, silent type. You see me walk down the halls, and I don't have a smile plastered to my face. When my face is relaxed, I look like I'm about to kill people. I can't really help that one. But that's what people assume: That I'm mad at everyone. They don't know me. So this summer is a perfect time to let the secondary get to know the real LonelyHeart. Well --they'll know me to a certain extent. No one really knows me. Not even M., who's known me for the past ten years.

But I don't want this year to be a big rivalry between M. and I. I don't want it to be that way; although, to some extent she's already made it that way. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer?
My second concern is the Junior class --my sister's class. I'm not really concerned about her, but more three other girls in that class. They're the ones who will try to take over the Senior position, and that can't happen.

I'm just nervous about so much changing, and so quickly too. I have to do a complete 180 if this next school year is going to be my year. I'm excited and scared. Part of me says, "Bring it on," and part of me says,"Holy crap! What am I getting in to?" It all comes down to how do I want to be remembered. I want to be remembered as someone who was fun to hang out with, but someone you could turn to for anything. I don't want to be that person who people feel was just putting on a show: I don't want to be fake. I want other students to look at me and say that they were glad they knew me; that somehow I changed they're lives a little bit. I want so much from my Senior year.

How do I get it all done?

4 comments:

Rose Valentine said...

I like this :)

[[saRAWR]] said...

An honorable quest...;]
I hope you suceed.
If you really want to, you will.

Red said...

My sister always has told me that you should be judged by how people speak of you after you have left this world.

Will they say you were kooky, funny, loud, talkative, depressed, or were you an outright Beeatch?

Only you can be the judge of that. We all know what we are truly like. And if we try to deny it,well, then we are lying to ourselves and to everyone else. You think people cannot see how you really are?

Puh-leeeaze. Give it a rest sister, you and everyone else knows just what you are like.

I know people will say I am whacky, full of life, my glass is always half full, optimistic, wanting to spread my knowledge, helpful, trust worthy and honest (to a fault, don't ask if you don't want the truth).

XOXOXOXOXO

Hope you are doing well sweety!!!!!

A little Princess said...

Hello! This is my first visit to your blog, and certainly not my last, I love your words and thoughts.

In school I was always the loner, I had so little in common with most people, I couldn't bare it. In the end, I did my own thing, I found an awesome group of arty kids.

In like, two years time, you'll barely remember half the people you went to school with. You'll find them on fb and they'll either be knocked up or fat and married to some hick.

Have a fab week xoxo