Saturday, February 7, 2009

I wish I was special.

When you were here before Couldn't look you in the eye You're just like an angel Your skin makes me cry You float like a feather In a beautiful world And I wish I was special You're so fuckin' special But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't care if it hurts I want to have control I want a perfect body I want a perfect soul want you to notice When I'm not around You're so fuckin special I wish I was special But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. She's running out again, She's running out She's run run run running out...Whatever makes you happy Whatever you want You're so fuckin' special I wish I was special...But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo, What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't belong here.

Pretty much my song. Those are the lyrics to Creep by Radiohead.

Something isn't right, and I can feel it. It's never a good sign when I start going into one of my quiet moods, which started today. I just don't want to be around people right now. I really have no idea what triggers these moods. I'll be perfectly fine and semi happy then BAM! out of nowhere I'm depressed beyond belief for no reason really.

There are some things that have undergone the snowball effect.

1. I find myself in a very weird situation with some guys. I know eventually I'll have to pick one. But thankfully I'm single and I can put things off as long as possible. Although, P. has kinda faded into the background, and things with K. have started to heat up (wow I don't what it is with me and finding guys in other states...not to mention he's a close friend).

2. Things have gotten really bad for my family because of the falling Economy. But I'm sure a lot of people are feeling the same way. The problem is now that we could lose the house. My dad is a tough man, but to see him sit there and cry was hard to see.

3. I'm about to break.


Lenore said...


1. You ARE very special. That is a fact. A very true one. You're not like everyone else, You're different in an amazing way.

2. I know how you feel. Sometimes i wonder if anyone is TRULY happy...But i've come to realize that people tend to focus on the bad things in life...even if there are good things. There is a time in each person's life, where when they try sooo hard to listen for something, they hear the sound of emptiness. That sound fades away. And you find someone. I want to run away, and go on a self-realization journey!! that would be cool!!!

3. my mom is very strong, but i have had to see her cry...alot. And it was hard for me. But, I found strength within me.

4. Even if you break, You will get fixed. Everyone does. maybe, not in the way they imagine, but they do.

I hope you feel beter soon


Anonymous said...

some how the phrase "in a beautiful world wish i was special" points here from google.

weird but hey wish things get better


BitterSweet said...

And how was that supposed to make her feel better?
But I just want to say I know exactly how you feel. I'm reading your blog and it's like reading my own heart. The only difference is instead of having "quiet moods" I'm in a world where I have to smile and laugh and act like nothing's wrong. Even though I'm screaming and crying inside.
PS I have no clue what your sister looks like, but if that really is you in that pic on the sidebar then your sis ain't the only one who got the good looking genes in your family. (I SWEAR I'm not just saying that. I hate it when people are just saying stuff to make me feel better. SWEAR!)

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