Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Where's the light at the end of the tunnel?

This month isn't looking so good. Already life has given me a bigger taste of reality then I can handle. Exactly what I needed...not. I know every now and then it's needed, but when it makes everything look like there's no way out, please don't bother if that makes sense. My family is in over our heads in financial difficulties, and things aren't looking so good. I'm glad that they're letting me know what's going on, yet at the same time it's tough because I can't help or do anything about it. My mom teaches at my school, then goes to work at a grocery store right after she gets off. Now my dad has gotten a second job, which he will do every weekend for the rest of this year. After that, he can choose when and what days he works. All of this just to make ends meet. It is now offically my job to run the house.

It’s not my parents’ fault that we’re in this mess; it’s my sisters’ fault. I love them to death, but they haven’t made things any easier for my parents. My parents are doing everything they can for my sisters like paying their car bill, etc. if they don’t have the money; we can’t do all that much though. My oldest sister moved away in March, leaving behind a massive debt. She’s paying it off, but this guy kept calling and calling us. Eventually, we had to change our phone number. This guy kept insisting that my mom had to pay off the debt; even though, she had faxed documentation showing that the debt was my sister’s, and that she was paying and had been paying it off. This hasn’t satisfied him. Apparently, if my mom doesn’t take immediate action now, they are going to have to take legal action against her. IT’S NOT EVEN HER FING DEBT!

As for my other sister, she’s a bit of a shopaholic. She really doesn’t know how to manage her money. She recently moved to an apartment with three other girls to be closer to her college. Oh dear, more irony. She can’t even pay the rent. I’ve loaned her money (remember, I don’t have a job) to help her with some previous payments, but this time neither me nor my younger sister nor my parents could do anything to help her. One day when she came back home (she comes home a lot); I asked her why she even moved out. It would be better for her if she just moved back home. She just gave me this look, and I knew what she meant. She knew it was the right thing to do, but she didn’t want to: She finally had her “freedom.” To make matters worse, she got hit by a car. They were going to pay for her to get her car fixed, but then she was getting billed for it. I still don’t know exactly why. Today, she totals her car. It’s her fault this time. Guess who pays for her car: My parents.

Snowball effect in action. Not the prettiest thing ever.

I really need to take a mental health day. I think that apathy is a terrible thing to have: It’s like a disease. Of course, I just happen to have apathy and lethargy, among other things. I know what I have to do, and I do it because I have to. But school is definitely taking a lot out of me now. It’s more my private school not Connections: If anything, Connections is where I want to be. I rarely ever speak in class anymore because I no longer care. This sounds really bad, but as I read this, I’m being really vague. Not on purpose. A friend asked me if I was ok (again what is with that question?!) because I didn’t say a word in English class, and I actually told her that I just didn’t care. It’s very unusual for me to not speak in English, but I haven’t been for the past two weeks. I think it’s because my heart (so to speak) is no longer there. I can push myself through the rest of the school year, doing the things required of me, but it’s not going to be enjoyable or pretty.

As for things at home, I’m literally drowning in all things I have to do. I’m needed more then ever now, but I just wish I could get away from it all. A vacation is definitely needed. My younger sister has once again started judging me. In my mind, she’s little Miss Righteous. We have our moments, but mostly our relationship isn’t that great. Yesterday, I was telling her how I didn’t like that out 13 year old brother had a facebook now cause all he would do is chat online and mostly to girls. Immediately she snapped back at me saying I was no better because all I do is talk to boys. I told her no that’s not the case. And even if I do, they’re my friends. Well after awhile, out of the blue she said that our parents were right in not trusting me because they shouldn’t. I didn’t let on to this, but that hurt. And to make matters worse, she thinks she knows my every motive for doing things when in reality, she know nothing. She doesn’t know anything about how I’m feeling right now. The thing that makes me laugh is the fact that she wants to be told about things that are going on, but I can’t do that with out getting mocked or made fun of or down right judged.

I was asked how I manage 11 classes, so I answer that question. I do all my private school work during the week, and get my Wednesday assignments early, so I can get some things done ahead. I do all my Connections assignments on the weekends plus whatever assignments I get from my other school. I guess it’s about time I learned time management haha.

I have another homework filled three day weekend...goodie.


Anonymous said...

As for the financial crisis, it won't last. Even the Great Depression ended. No pain lasts forever.

Which I guess can apply to your personal situations. If you've ever read the book Speak Melinda said that if you come out of high school alive they let you become an adult. Probably didn't cheer you up too much but there's probably a reason this is all happening. Maybe you or someone else is supposed to learn from it, or you become a stronger individual for it.

Anonymous said...

Well like I said before you can rant whenever you want on my blog.

Anonymous said...

It's okay.

Something similar happened to me over the summer. One of my friends left school in seventh grade and she came back all involved in sex, drugs and rock n' roll and she still wanted to be my friend. I just stopped talking to her cold turkey. It seems really really rude, but like Sweeney said, these are desperate times, and desperate measures are called for.

So in a nutshell my advice is to just give her the brush off. People will think you're being mean but it's worth it. But there is really nothing that can be done about her being close to your friend. You can't really stop them from being friends.

--Silly--Jedi-- said...

I think everybody is being effected by this financial crisis.
and the economy is "going down the drain" i know my family is having its own set of problems. its getting EVEN harder to keep our family's head above water. i wish i could help, but i'm too young to have a job yet.
you're not alone in your problems.

--Silly--Jedi-- said...

i have both too!
watz ur name so i can find u?

Nisey♥Liite said...

i luv ur pics keep posting! ;)

fruitlady said...

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Anonymous said...

aww. I'm sorry.

I like your blog.