Sunday, October 19, 2008

It's just one of those times...

This weekend has been an interesting one to say the least. Friday was one of those ok days with a few highlights. We almost burned the school down in Chemistry class. I'll explain. We were doing a burning experiment except we didn't exactly have the proper equipment. So we lit rubbing alcohol on fire (smart, I know). I don't know if any of you know, but different salts burn different colors. I can't remember all the ones we tried; my favorite was Lithium Chloride. When burned, it turns the flame a hue of magenta. After awhile, my teacher thought it would be fun to lit a napkin on fire by dipping a small glass rode into the alcohol and putting onto the napkin. Well, the napkin didn't get damaged by the flame only cause it lasted for a couple seconds. So he proceeded to pour the rubbing alcohol onto a paper plate. As he was pouring, the fire burned him, so the alcohol went all over the table and floor. The sad thing was we all sat there watching it for the longest time. Finally my friend took out her water bottle, so we could put out the fire. Next on the list of events planned for Friday was a college lecture on Westmont. Westmont's college advisor was in the area, so she was invited to come to my school and speak. I'm all for going to college in Santa Barbara, but the whole Christian undergraduate liberal arts thing isn't my cup of tea. Why would I want to go to a College that's almost exactly like my school? I wouldn't be surprised if most of the people in my high school went there. It's like the new NSA or Biola to them.

Now I don't really do anything on Friday nights, but yesterday night I made an exception. My family decided to sit down and watch Frankenstein, and as soon as that started I got a call from a friend asking if I wanted to hang out, so I went. Yeah two guys and one girl isn't exactly the best thing. I mostly just sat there while they talked about crew and cars. I mean it was fun to get out of the house, but it also kinda taught me a little bit about myself. Funny how certain situations can do that. I'm SO different now. I don't like putting myself in situations where I'm just there to take up space. And the truth of the matter is, that's what happens most of the time. I'm not loud, outgoing, or all that funny. Friday night was just really eye opening. I only like hanging out with people I have something in common with. I love the guys I was hanging out with, but there was this obvious feeling to me that I didn't belong there.

Life really doesn't love me right now. I had a dance competition yesterday, which I was insanely nervous for. I thought I had packed everything in my dress bag, but I soon realized when I got there that I didn't have my kilt socks or my blouse. I was so upset with myself. The hard part was not dancing my first two dances and having to tell my teacher what happened. Something like this happened to me at my last competition, and the only thing that saved me from sitting out was that my teacher ran that competition. I'm not proud of this, but I cried three different times: That's how upset I was with myself. At the same time, I now know why there are only dance moms and very few dance dads. My mom had to work, so my dad had to take me to my competition. He was so antsy to leave. So I left before awards. I don't think I got anything though.

In other news, my dad decided not to take on another job, and I definitely don't agree with his reasoning on that one.


Anonymous said...

I'm sorry about your weekend. But if it makes you feel better I have hives and I don't know why.

I think you should try verbalizing your emotions. Like screaming, it helps a lot. Or actually telling people how you feel. Or if you don't want to do that, sometimes I fantasize about going up to people in my life and saying "I have a lot of problems with you and now you're going to hear about it!"

The Cooking Lady said...

Focus Lonely, lots of subjects to cover in this post, but you know me, I am here to be Honest Mom.

1)My daughter does not 'Hang Out' with guys alone...won't happen, too many variables there, we won't go into that. And yes, you said they are your friends, but it is always nicer to have the numbers in your favor...meaning more girls.

My daughter enjoys sitting home with us at night. We plan to watch some of our special TV shows and a HUGE bowl of popcorn. Sometimes salty, sometimes sweet.

2) Life doesn't like you? Why not? You're still here...on this Earth...breathing...aren't you? Than I am going to hang on the side that life may like you if only a wee bit.

You are responsible for you. You cannot sit there (and not that you are) and blame other for your miserable life. Take hold of yourself and your life and turn it around to make a positive.

I love this quote from Elanor Roosevelt,"No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." Truer words were never spoken. I know you are just a teenager, but you are learning by watching others, mostly adults. And hopefully the adults you are observing are setting a good example, if not, then learn from their mistakes.

You have a niche in this world and you will find it, just keep looking, you never know what is around that next corner!

Anonymous said...

My mouth's fine, the swelling's gone but as soon as it did -- hives.

I think the fact that guy mentioned he has lots of girls who like him represents his basic insecurity, to show he's not totally unloveable. From what you said, I don't think you really like him but you're more in love with the past relationship. I don't really know how to say that to him but if it were me I'd be like, "Um . . . we're broken up. I don't like you like that anymore."

That's my two cents.

Anonymous said...

I need your help. Please read my first post of July called "Teach Not Thy Lips Such Scorn for it was Made For Kissing". I have to face that guy again this Sunday and I have no idea what I'm going to say! Six months of carefully planning the upcoming moment where I confront him and the best I can come up with (which I thought of yesterday) is "You really hurt my feelings when you say you liked me and totally ignored me for six months." I don't want to seem confrontational but I don't want to hide how much he hurt me. I am but an unexperienced 16 year old and I am begging for help.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your advice, but thing is he was such a great guy before ignoring me. I'm hoping he has a legit excuse. And all through this I'll be thinking "focus all attention on not losing your dignity" because if things get out of hand I *will* lose my temper because that's just how I react. I'll be digging my fingernails into my palms and biting my tongue to keep calm. Teen angst has nothing on me.

But thank you so much for your advice. You're the first person to say something other than "ignore him back" because I really don't want to do that. I'll tell you how it all turned out Sunday afternoon. You have no idea how much this helps.

Anonymous said...

The only excuse I can possibly think of where he didn't have five minutes in six months to call is he is in fact Batman. And I no for a fact he wasn't direly ill because I saw him at church that one time. But if he is a superhero I'll let it slide. I'm hoping against all hope he has a legit excuse. And again, thank you for your advice. :-)

Anonymous said...

*hugs* thanks for being so brave!

I'm really sorry about all that. I won't pretend to know what it's like but I think you should tell your parents about the cutting. I'm sure they won't disown you or anything and you could get help. I know it's easier said that done.

Anonymous said...

hi. I should have gotten back to you sooner, sorry.

basically, the tag is you just copy what i posted, then erase my answers and fill in yours, then you put four people to tag and then leave them a comment telling them you tagged them.

Mr Bam-bam said...

ive got to say on the frankenstein business..did u try interacting? i feel left out alot and if you try to add interesting facts learn more or in general become an active part of a situation then it helps build stronger friendships. it may not be your thing so get comfortable.