Sunday, January 4, 2009

I Give Up.


There's a new complication in my twisted love story. Things I guess were going ok after the whole other relationship incident, but again I guess I overlooked things. He called me while I was making dinner, and after sometime he said, "So I've decided something..." Immediately I thought, "Oh crap." He decided he just wanted to be my "big brother" for now, and he deleted every pic I had sent him. I didn't know how to respond to that. Along with his decision meant that there would be no flirting, etc. He kept saying that I might find some other guy, who would be better for me. I guess he didn't exactly comprehend how much I wanted him and only him. After we said good bye, another piece of me was taken, and I knew there really wouldn't be anymore day long conversations. I struggled so much to choke back the tears during dinner...

I talked to K. about it again, and his first response was, "WTF?!" He had never heard of a guy telling that to a girl before. He was really sorry I had to go through something like this and offered to help in anyway he could, so he called me to cheer me up. I'm very thankful for him right now.

As it turns out, I was right about not talking much anymore. Usually he texts me to say good morning. Those stopped coming. It wasn't until I was done with drama and headed home that he actually decided to text me. I was in no mood to talk to him though. All of my response were only a couple words, and a few texts later the conversation fizzled out. I seriously just want to ask him if he even likes me anymore. I need to know because if he doesn't, I have to find some way to move on. Easier said then done, of course.

I'm tired of people (especially guys) who walk in and steal a part of me and then leave. And I'm very tired of putting my whole heart into something just to have it taken away.

11 comments:

Wandering Child said...

I can relate. If I figure out how to deal with this kind of stuff I'll let you know.

Wandering Child said...

quotes from the movie fight club

Wandering Child said...

we'll see about Tom . . .

Lenore said...

That is really horrible. I'm so sorry to hear about this. I kinda now how you feel. well not really, but i know what it feels like to build something so beautiful, for soooo long, then suddenly, out of nowhere, watch it all crumble to pieces. I'm pretty much done building it again, but it's even better now, cuz I'm stronger. Every once in a while, a piece gets nocked off, but I'll just fix it. That's life. I know it must be very hard for you. I'm sorry.

haha...I know that was random,but i just found ur blog, and i luv it!!!

xoxo

Brian said...

Hi,
Nice blog. Do not forget your value and worth as a young woman. Never sell yourself short of that extremely high value. Though all others might leave us, Jesus Christ will never ever ever leave us or become unfastened from us.
(Heb 13:5)

grace and peace,
brian
downpour-me.blogspot.com

Lenore said...

thanx for commenting on my blog!!! well, i've been in one other school play and it was awesome. I would give anything to do it again. I love drama and I want to be an actress/director someday...=D

well, yea, it is pretty hard to be strong. But always remember that strength is something you choose. There is always light at the end of each tunnel, and if not, then use you're own. It's hard to find, but it's there. I found it, and even still now, i forget how to use it, but i try my best.

at the time, all this bad stuff seems horrible, but later, I feel thanful for them. because they always make me stronger, and through them, I learn more about myself and how strong i can be.

just remember, that you are a human like everyone else in this world and you are suffering now and then just like all of us. But life is like a roller coaster ride, after a while, its just really fun even though its pretty scary.

woah. i talk tooooo much, lol. anyway, i really hope i could help. :)

xoxo

Lenore said...

yay! i luv getting comments from u! lol

well, ur right, about "taking off your mask". it's true. we dont have to pretend anymore. i wish people were more understanding in the real world. Sometimes I just live in my own world instead. Like the song by Evanescence, Imaginary. haha.

I feel like people see me as the happy little girl who skips down the hall (well, i am, lol) but underneath all of that, I'm a bit of a drama queen. we all are. yea, sometimes i lock myself in my closet and cry. and yea, sometimes i wish i could run away. but thats life i guess...

anyway, i really hope you feel better about all of this soon, the darkest hour is always before the dwan :)

xoxo

ps- ur welcome, for the encoursgement :) i'm glad I could help, at least...i hope i did. :)

Wandering Child said...

Poor Thing is up!

Wandering Child said...

THANK YOU! I was so afraid it was bad. I promise it'll get better once Ben Barker gets back from prison.

Lenore said...

o.m.g
thank you sooooo much for following my blog!!!!
=D

xoxo

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