Sunday, January 25, 2009


I noticed something about myself recently, and it's a little disconcerting. I can never seem to be happy on my own. If I am, it's an ephemeral happiness. I really feel like I steal my happiness from other people. It's like I need other people in my life to make me happy; otherwise, I'm miserable and left alone with my thoughts. Having people who are fun to be around is one thing, but when you're feeding off of their happiness, it's completely different (that last part sounds weird, sorry). I go from one person to the next until something goes wrong. I'm not saying that I leave all my friends once they don't make me happy. Wow I sound so ridiculous right now, but hopefully someone out there understands what I mean.

There are certain people in my life, who always make me happy, and I never want them to leave. But there are other people who I've gotten to know, and once they're no longer in my life I feel this void. This emptiness. This loss of happiness that they once supplied.

I can hang out with friends and be completely happy, but once I'm home it's like I can no longer be happy. This is all very confusing, and I am sorry about that.